WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.