i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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