i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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