yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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