I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
