he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
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we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
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