don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
