Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
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