I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
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