I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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