We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
