There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize