Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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