Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
