3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
