I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
