update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize