Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize