:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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