The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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