Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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