plz talk dirty to me
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
