windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
