He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
