Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
