I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He passed out mid-signature
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
