your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
