Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
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Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
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I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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