Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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