I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
