I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
