i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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