TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
