i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Green mimosas i think yes
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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