can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
