The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
