Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize