Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
This house was built for laser tag.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."