Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
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I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
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I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.