Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.