living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
