one might say we're banned from that church
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
