Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
