You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
