Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
