one word: firstdatebathroomanal
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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