I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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