The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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