my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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