I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
