eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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