I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
