I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
