I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
