i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
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What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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