Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
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You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
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So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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