shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
