So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he told me I talked like a deaf person
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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