I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
please come you make the beer taste better
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize