his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
