We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
