i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
